


is it bad that i want to hold your hand?

by 7s93



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jeonghan says deadass, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Angst, Panic Attacks, Pining, Yoon Jeonghan is Whipped, mentioned verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7s93/pseuds/7s93
Summary: Jeonghan never knew that his downfall would be caused by a specific black haired man who happened to also be his best friend.He should’ve seen it coming, really.It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way his gaze lingered on him a little too long, sometimes, or how warmth bloomed in his chest whenever their skin met. Maybe he just didn’t want to believe it.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 78





	is it bad that i want to hold your hand?

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta-d so I apologize if it's an absolute mess. I'm actually very proud of this!! There is a scene where someone has a panic attack, so be warned!

Jeonghan never knew that his downfall would be caused by a specific black haired man who happened to also be his best friend. He should’ve seen it coming, really. It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way his gaze lingered on him a little too long, sometimes, or how warmth bloomed in his chest whenever their skin met. Maybe he just didn’t want to believe it.

Joshua, who was smart and genuinely liked to study. Joshua, who could somehow see the good in everyone. Joshua, who everyone calls ‘Jisoo’, but told Jeonghan to call him by his American name because it makes him feel at home. From the way he rants about music and literature to how he nags at Jeonghan for everything, Jeonghan was quick to realize he loved everything about the other boy. 

And of course he had to realize it when he was sitting less than 3 feet away from him.

“Hello, earth to Hannie?” Jeonghan startles at the sound, forcing his vision to focus again. “Uh huh? Keep going, I was listening!” He says, smiling at the deadpan stare Joshua sends his way. 

“Of course you were,”

Their gazes lock for a second and Jeonghan can feel the concern coming off of the other boy in waves. He brushes it off, though, shooting him a sly smile for reassurance, and Joshua takes the bait.

“So like I was saying, if you guys make this a huge party I’ll never forgive you. My head is still pounding from Christmas.” Joshua whines, making a pointed effort to rub circles on his forehead like the drama queen he is. 

For some context, Jeonghan and some of their other friends had been planning a surprise party for Joshua’s birthday, but somehow it got spoiled and Joshua decided he needed to confront the whole group before he ended up with another hangover from Hell.

Their group of friends had designated party planners, most of the time it was Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan, and sometimes Vernon, Jihoon, and Seungcheol did it. The first three were more into massive, flashing lights, music blaring parties, while the latter were way more mellow and laidback.

Sitting with him now were the former three boys and Vernon, but Jeonghan was almost certain that he was there more to shoot heart eyes at Seungkwan than anything else. It wasn’t like he would have much of a say either way. When those three set their minds on something, it was impossible to stop them.

“You’re so boring hyung, you know that right?” Seokmin chimed in and Joshua rolled his eyes. 

“Well it is his birthday after all, why don’t we just do something small with the group? If you really want to, you can go all out for my party.” Jeonghan offers, winking when the other groaned. 

“Of course you’d side with him. Don’t you guys remember how Jeonghan was sulking outside while everyone had fun because the party-goers were fawning over Jisoo?” Seungkwan says, and Jeonghan’s jaw drops.

He was not sulking. He was just not feeling the party and even if he was sulking, is it so bad to be a little annoyed when your best friend barely has time for you on one of his favorite holidays and you internally promised to make every Christmas the best one for him so he would never be upset but you couldn’t this time because everyone was bombarding him and you couldn’t take it?

He voices this thought, deciding to just stick to “Hey, I was not sulking! I was just not feeling the party, is all.” Jeonghan looks over at Joshua, hoping he believed him. To Jeonghan’s surprise, Joshua was smiling at him, all weird and soft and icky. 

Jeonghan would be lying if he said his heart didn’t flutter a bit. 

“Exactly though! I don’t want to be forced to spend my birthday batting away people. I mean, it’s flattering, but it gets too much. I just wanna spend time with you guys.” Joshua says the last part quietly and looking directly at Jeonghan, but he tries to take it with a grain of salt. 

The thing is, Joshua is popular. He wasn’t always so popular, but ever since it got out that he was from America everyone had suddenly started approaching him, for whatever reason. When they found out the reason they were so genuinely surprised. I mean, he moved to Korea at 17 and had the slightest American accent on the language which Jeonghan absolutely adored, so they had just assumed it was common knowledge.

It wasn’t, and so everyone thinks of Joshua as their ‘cool American upperclassman’. Even though he is so much more than that, but Jeonghan will simply not get into it right now. It definitely didn’t help that Josh had bulked up some, which made him impossibly more attractive.

There was a resigned sigh from Seungkwan, but it was followed with a “Fiiiiine. We’ll see what we can do.” This was good enough for Joshua, who immediately lit up and told the three to wipe the pouts off of their faces. 

After a the group talked a bit more, the four of them finally left Jeonghan and Joshua alone again, but not before Soonyoung winked at the former of the two and declared the Jeonghan’s future birthday party was gonna be a blowout.

When the two were finally left alone, there was a minute of two of peaceful silence and fleeting glances before Joshua finally broke the silence. “Were you really sulking?” He asks, and Jeonghan pretends he can’t feel his face heating up. 

“No! Okay, maybe. I just wanted to spend time with you that’s all.” His brain scrambles at what to say to make it seem like he isn’t in love with his best friend, but Joshua doesn’t seem to notice.

He holds out his hand, and Jeonghan places his own into Josh’s palm. It’s a thing they do, and when Jeonghan finally worked up the courage to ask why, Joshua just responded with “I like your hands.” 

“It’s okay, I wished I could’ve spent more time with you too.” He simply says, tracing designs on Jeonghan’s palms. Jeonghan looked up at him and studied Josh’s face, which was currently screwed up in concentration, roughly sketching what felt to be the Mona Lisa on Jeonghan’s hand. 

“So what were you thinking about earlier?” He asks, temporarily pausing the invisible doodles to raise a brow at Jeonghan. 

Oh shit, he thought that they weren’t going to discuss that. Deciding to play dumb, Jeonghan raised a brow back at the other. “What do you mean?” Jeonghan responds, trying to sound natural.

Joshua chuckled, dropping Jeonghan’s hand in the process of using his own to cover his mouth. It was adorable, but Jeonghan just let his hand fall lamely on the table. 

“You look ridiculous, but don’t bullshit me. You were all zoned out and stuff, it was freaky.” He says, and Jeonghan can once again feel his concern. 

It was times like this that he wished Joshua wasn’t so stubborn. “It was nothing, honestly. I was just thinking about you.” Jeonghan replies a little too honestly. Joshua smiles fondly as he tries to backpedal. 

“I mean, I was thinking about what to get you for your birthday. Speaking of, what did you want again?” Jeonghan nervously chuckles and starts anxiously fondling his own hand. 

It’s then that Josh gives up. “I told you that I don’t want anything. You already got me a present for Christmas.” He says, bringing up his wrist to wiggle the bracket that Jeonghan had bought. He had bought matching ones, and he knows what you’re going to say, so shut up. 

“Besides, I already have what I want.” Jeonghan raises his brow again, motioning for Joshua to go on.

“A best friend who I can spend the day with.”

Jeonghan’s heart short circuits. 

-

Although he loves the boy so dearly, Jeonghan would probably lose his mind if he had to share a dorm room with Joshua. That being said, Jun isn’t any better, but at least he doesn’t drive Jeonghan crazy. Actually, let him rephrase that. At least he doesn’t drive Jeonghan’s heart crazy.

After the two men parted earlier, Jeonghan resisting the ever growing urge to kiss Joshua on his stupid lips, he had returned to his dorm room where he promptly threw himself onto his bed. He heard Jun snicker, but decided to just ignore him. That is, until he insisting on speaking.

“So, how was the date with Jisoo?” He asked, and Jeonghan could immediately feel the ulterior motive. “Shut up, you know it wasn’t a date.” He groaned in response, and Jun sighed. 

The thing is, Jeonghan had known that he liked Joshua for a long time. Almost 4 years, if he is doing the math correctly. There was always some feelings, and as it turns out, they grew into many feelings over the years. Jun had been one of Jeonghan’s close friends since before he met Josh, and has always seen through him. He’d always silently observed when Jeonghan and Joshua would interact, and confronted him one night about it.

Jeonghan was amazed that Jun genuinely cared that much, even though he brushed it off as ‘it’s annoying when you look at him like a lovesick puppy.’ Everyone else had gradually caught on, but Jun had always known. 

And after almost 4 years of Jeonghan coming home to his roommate and lamenting (see: complaining) about his crush, Jun was getting fed up. “I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but why don’t you just ask him out? One, I know he’ll say yes, and two…” He pauses. “What’s the worst that’ll happen. He’s gonna say yes.” 

Jeonghan adjusts his position to look up at Jun. “Why do you always feel the need to give your input?” Comes Jeonghan’s response, and Jun gasps. “You’re such a big baby.” Then his eyes soften. “You know I just want to see you happy.” He stops again, then sighs. “Also, I have wet dreams where you finally shut the fuck up about Hong Jisoo.” Now Jeonghan gasps, albeit more dramatically than Jun, and closes his eyes.

“Goodnight, asshole.” He says, and Jun’s light chuckle echoes through the room. “Goodnight, idiot.”

-

Two days pass, two days without Joshua due to a hectic work schedule, and Jun prompts him with a preposition. Which can never be good. It doesn’t help that Jeonghan had been especially bitchy about his feelings, seeing as he couldn’t hang out with Joshua.

“Okay, hear me out.” Jun begins, and Jeonghan dreads this conversation even more. “You should go on a date.” There it is. Jeonghan groans and throws Jun a look. 

“I already told you that I’m not going to ask him out.” He responds, and Jun’s smile widens even more. 

“I never said with Jisoo. Listen, I get that you love him or whatever, but you are seriously giving me a ginormous migraine with all your complaining. If you’re not going to act on your crush, you might as well get over it. And the first step to getting over it? Go on a date.” Jeonghan’s jaw drops, then he begins to laugh.

“You are literally insane. How is going on a date going to help?” Jeonghan chokes out, and Jun now seems unimpressed. He makes a show of sighing loudly and rolling his eyes. 

“If you go on a date and like the person, then boom! No more feelings, and we can all move on with our lives. Besides, I have someone coming over later so you need to be out of the room. I already told this guy that you’d be at the cafe across the street in 2 hours anyways, so not much of a choice.” 

Jeonghan doesn’t laugh this time. “Are you kidding me? You set me up on a blind date without asking?” He manages to say through his shock, and Jun just nods like its a regular everyday thing. “No way. I’m not going. You can’t make me.” Jeonghan sits and crosses his arms, pouting like he’s five years old, and the bell rings.

His eyes widen. Didn’t he say in two hours? And at the cafe? This is the worst day of his life.

Jun gets up to answer the door, since Jeonghan just stares at him with wide eyes, and thank god, it isn’t some random guy. It is, however, Joshua. Jun lets him in, and after some small talk, Josh calls out to him. “Hey, are you busy?” He asks, and thank god. Jeonghan is just going to escape this whole situation and go out with Joshua, and it’ll all be—

“He is, actually. He’s going on a date.” Jun answers, and yeah. This is officially the worst day of his life. 

Jeonghan ignored how Joshua somehow looked disappointed, and buried his head in his hands. “I’m not going on that date, Jun.” After running his hands over his face a bit, he looked back up. Joshua seemed conflicted on what to say, so Jun raised his eyebrow. “Really? You were just telling me how you were so excited. Why’re you lying for Jisoo’s sake, I’m sure he doesn’t care, right?” Jun turns to look at Joshua, who is like a deer in headlights.

“Uh… Yeah, whatever makes you happy Hannie. You don’t have to lie about it.” Joshua eventually says, and why does that hurt Jeonghan’s feelings so much?

Even so, Jeonghan stares stupidly at Joshua. “I am not lying! Jun just set me up on this stupid date to get me out of the room!” He quickly gets out. He doesn’t want Joshua to get the wrong idea. Come to think of it, Jun might be right. If he never plans on asking Joshua out, then why spend so much time longing for him?

It’s because you love him but still expect him to make the first move, his brain unhelpfully dishes out, and Jeonghan realizes that while he was caught up in his thoughts, Jun is ushering Joshua out the door. “I’ll remind him to call you later!” Is what Jun shouts before he closes the door and turns around to face Jeonghan.

“I’m going to fucking murder you.”

-

2 hours later, Jeonghan did not, in fact, murder Jun, and decided to just go on the damn date. He guesses that Jun kind of made a little bit of sense, and the damage was already done. What could go wrong, anyways? Worst case scenario, he enjoys food with (hopefully) good company.

Wrong. That was not the worst case scenario. The guy Jun set him up with wasn’t the problem, he was actually really nice. Jeonghan was the problem. Or rather, his brain.

The whole time he was thinking about how he could be sitting in the cafe with Joshua instead. He thought about how they would talk about the same things they always did, but it would be different because he could finally let out how he feels. He though about how Josh would react when Jeonghan told him he loved him. How he would react when they kissed for the first time.

Jeonghan thought about how none of that was happening. He thought about how if Joshua never made a move, he’d be too much of a coward to say anything. And finally, he thought of how he would feel this way for god knows how long. He felt stupid for agreeing to this. He should’ve known this wouldn’t fix anything. Hell, it’s been four years.

Then he remembers. He remembers how Jun cunningly raised his eyebrow as he implied that Joshua didn’t care that Jeonghan was going on a date. He remembers how Joshua agreed. So, in short, Jeonghan’s brain comes to conclusion that he will keep feeling so helplessly in love with his best friend. And Joshua couldn’t care less if he went on dates, because he didn’t feel the same way.

It came like a punch to the stomach. The shortening of breath and feeling of panic as his thoughts crowded him. Luckily, the other man had already paid and they were pretty much just taking space up in the cafe, so Jeonghan made up some bullshit excuse about having to wake up early the next day.

When he was sure the other man was out of sight, Jeonghan escaped to a bathroom stall. He locked himself in and vomited. He knew he just needed to calm down and breathe, but he couldn’t. He’d never felt so useless. All he could do is sit and feel like shit, his thoughts growing louder.

The only thing that crowded his mind was Joshua, Joshua Joshua. So with trembling hands, he called him.

“Oh hey, how was your… Are you okay?” Joshua greets him cheerfully but quickly catches on to the atmosphere. Jeonghan isn’t sure if it’s because of the breaths that he can’t seem to take, or because he’s sniffling every five seconds. “No.” Jeonghan says simply, and he can hear Joshua getting out of bed.

“Okay, where are you? Breathe, love. I’ll come get you. You’re at the cafe right?” Jeonghan’s heart flutters when he hears the comforting voice, and somehow it makes him feel even worse. “No, its okay. I mean, yes, I’m at the cafe but…” He stops talking to try and breathe, using Joshua’s previous words to calm down. “Can I just come over?” He asks, his voice cracking seemingly in an attempt to humiliate him further. 

“Yes, yes of course you can. I can still pick you up if you want?” Joshua offers, and Jeonghan just mumbles a ‘no it’s okay’ before hanging up. Jeonghan has had panic attacks before, but they had never come on so strong. He hadn’t realized that Joshua had such an influence on his emotions, but now that was clear.

He couldn’t keep living like this, but how could he stop? Joshua was a beautiful person in and out, and he couldn’t help the love he felt for the man. Jeonghan, in that moment, decided that he couldn’t live without Joshua. And it shook him to think that, if they never got together, he most definitely would suffer from heartbreak his entire life.

(He’d look back in a couple hours and realize how dramatic he was being, as always, but who could fault him?)

After he grounded himself a bit, trying to remember various breathing techniques and the like, he got up. Grimacing at the taste in his mouth, he listened for a bit, and once he determined that no one else was in the bathroom he washed his face and mouth out. He also had some gum, and hoped it would help.

It did, but it didn’t stop him from feeling like garbage. He looked down at his phone, heart aching at the worried texts from Joshua, and headed over to their dorm building. It didn’t take long since the cafe he was at is quite literally across the street, but the walk felt way too short for Jeonghan to be able to collect his thoughts.

Also, Joshua was waiting for Jeonghan outside of his dorm, so Jeonghan couldn’t even stall outside of his door. 

He immediately engulfed Jeonghan in a hug, sighing in relief. Jeonghan could feel himself instantly relaxing as well, and slowly hugged Josh back. The two stayed like that a while, before Jeonghan decided to pull away and wipe his eyes. He didn’t even notice that he’d been crying again, but he guesses that seeing the man you were stressing over would do that. 

Joshua holds him at arms length and searched his face for something, but once he notices Jeonghan looking at him confusedly, he ushers him inside. 

Joshua had a dorm room to himself, although he said it sometimes felt lonely. Once he’d revealed that to Jeonghan he was almost always over, to the point where he felt bad ditching Jun all the time. Jun had just laughed at that and said he always had someone over too, and that was the end of that.

Jeonghan plopped himself down on his favorite side of Josh’s bed, and Joshua followed behind him, pausing to grab him a gatorade from the mini fridge. “Here, I know how you get.” Is all he said, and Jeonghan took the drink, gulping down in an attempt to wash away the rest of the rancid taste in his mouth. 

“Slow down, you’ll upset your stomach more.” Joshua nags, and Jeonghan listens. It’s not very flattering that his best friend knows he is prone to lose his lunch in these situations, but in this moment he was thankful for it. He voiced this, mumbling a quiet ‘thanks’ to Joshua.

“If you wanna talk about it, I’ll listen.” He responds, and Jeonghan thinks about it. He decided to give Josh the shorthand version, since he knows he needs to get something out, and he doesn’t exactly feel like confessing at this given moment. 

He tells Joshua that he just wasn’t feeling it and felt bad for the guy, which is true, but left out the part where he spiraled over the former. He knew Josh could tell that he was leaving bits and pieces out, but he didn’t say anything about it. Joshua, ever the angel, comforted him as he always does, and Jeonghan’s heart warmed with each passing second they spent together.

After an hour or so of platonic cuddling, the two decided to forget everything by watching a ridiculously bad movie and criticizing everything about it. When he returned to his own dorm later on, Jeonghan was much happier than he was earlier, but Jun still smiled sadly at him.

“Sorry.” He said, and Jeonghan waves him off. “It’s fine, it was dumb anyways.” He can tell that Jun genuinely feels bad. Either that, or he’s upset his plan failed. After a moment of silence Jeonghan starts getting ready for bed, way too mentally exhausted to be up any longer.

“He does care, you know.” Jun finally says as Jeonghan settles into bed. Jeonghan makes a questioning noise as he gets comfortable, a quiet ‘hmm?’, and Jun sighs. “Jisoo. He cares that you went on a date. I could tell.” he clarifies, and Jeonghan freezes. He will never know how Jun manages to know exactly what’s wrong with him time after time.

“Good night, Junnie.” Is all Jeonghan says, and Jun hums in response.

-

It’s Josh’s birthday. That’s the first thing that pops in Jeonghan’s minds as he wakes up, and he amazes himself with the fact that he is always thinking of his best friend.

Following this, he remembers the party that should be going on later and oh god, he hopes that Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan just handed this one off to the others. Jeonghan would definitely not be able to handle watching everyone openly admire Joshua when he couldn’t. 

He finds that he’s dreading the party throughout the whole day, and he catches himself thinking about it way too much. He shouldn’t even be worrying about it as much as he is, it’s not his party after all, but he can’t help himself. 

Eventually, that time of the night creeps up, and even though he wanted to try and spend some time with Joshua beforehand, he hadn’t seen him the whole day. Jun had told him that Joshua went out with Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan, who were apparently giving him a makeover since they handed the party duties to Hansol, Cheol, and Jihoon (thank god).

So here he was, in front of the hotel room door with his lame gift and card that held his deepest darkest feelings about Joshua.

He wasn’t sure he was even going to give Josh the card, but it really helped to get all his feelings out. It was a last second decision to bring the card, but it comforted Jeonghan in knowing that he had options. Shaking away his thoughts, he knocked on the door and was relieved when it was opened and soft music poured out. Joshua himself was actually the one to open it, and that too was a pleasant surprise. 

“Hey.” Joshua said, a calm look on his face. That was good. “Hey. Happy birthday, Joshuji.” Jeonghan responded, and his heart skipped a beat when Josh smiled fondly at the nickname. “Come in, loser. You’re the last one here.” Joshua lightly punched Jeonghan’s arm, and stepped aside, allowing Jeonghan to enter.

When he stepped in, the air felt immediately lighter. There was some jazz/hip-hop loft playing, and a large variety of snacks and drinks laid out. The hotel room itself was quite big, it had a mini kitchen and what seemed to be a separate room along with a bathroom. 

His eyes finally landed on the group of 11 people sitting on the floor playing what seemed to be Uno, and he let out a sigh of relief. Only their inner friend group were invited, and even if it wasn’t a lot of people and a huge party, it was still bound to be a good time.

His assumptions turned out to be true as time passed and he eventually joined in on the Uno game, and when they got bored of it, they being Soonyoung, they turned up the music a bit and danced like idiots as the alcohol kicked in. As dumb as it is (who dances to lofi?) they still have fun, carrying on with stupid shenanigans the for an hour or two before Jeonghan makes a mistake.

He blames the alcohol for loosening his lips and accidentally slipping to Jun about the card he brought, and when Jun just smiles at him, he knew he had fucked up. Since then Jeonghan had been on edge, but as he finally lets his guard down, one thing leads to another and he realizes he left the card on the kitchen counter while they were emptying their pockets to play Twister.

On top of that, he also realizes that Joshua is being awfully quiet and… Oh god, he’s coming this way. 

“Can we talk?” Joshua mumbles out, and although Jeonghan doesn’t think he’s ready to get his heart stamped on, he nods. When they enter the bedroom together it’s sure to look suspicious, but if anyone notices they don’t mention it. 

Theres silence for the first few minutes after they enter the room, but Joshua breaks it with a chuckle. “Why do you look like your dog just died?” Jeonghan brings himself to smile a bit at that, but it quickly changes to a frown before he speaks again. “I just… I guess I already know what you’re gonna say and I’m not the most excited about it.”

“You do?” Joshua asks, his expression turning sad, and Jeonghan nods. “Well, I’m still gonna say it.” And this is it. Jeonghan closes his eyes as he waits to be utterly crushed. “You know what? Actions speak louder than words, right?” Joshua says after a moment, and Jeonghan opens his eyes at what that could imply.

Except, instead of a bro… hug? Or whatever could possibly friend zone him, he is met with Joshua simply closing his eyes and leaning in. Holy shit. 

Apparently Jeonghan had said this out loud, stopping his best friend from getting any closer. “Oh, god. My bad. Fuck, I’m so dumb what was I thinking… I should’ve known you didn’t feel the same way.” Joshua says hurriedly, now looking like his dog just died. 

What the fuck is going on?

“Hold on what? I thought you brought me here to reject me?” Jeonghan says, narrowing his eyes in confusion. Joshua’s head snaps up, mirroring Jeonghan’s expression. “Reject you? I brought you here to confess! Well, I just tried to kiss you but…” For a few seconds which seemed to stretch for an eternity, the two of them just stared at each other.

Jeonghan was the one to break the silence this time. “So you didn’t see the card?” He mumbles questioningly, and Joshua raises his eyebrow. “Card? No, I didn’t see a card.” He responds, and Jeonghan is torn between being relieved and being so utterly confused. “Okay, can we just forget about whatever that was? I need to start over.” Joshua says, and Jeonghan just nods. 

“What I was going to say was… Well, I mean… I’m 22 now and we’ve know each other for so long at this point. And everyday I feel like saying something but I can never bring myself to. So I decided that I just wanted to say it today, since I can’t stand thinking about how we’re getting older everyday and we’d stay like this forever.” Jeonghan raises an eyebrow, growing increasingly more worried about what Josh is saying.

Wait, when he said ‘confess’, did he mean…

“Okay. I’m just going to say it. And it’s totally okay if you don’t feel the same way, I mean you went on a date just yesterday but.. I just.. JeonghanIreallylikeyouandIhaveforawhileandyesitsinthatway.” He finishes in one breath, and suddenly Jeonghan can’t breathe. All he can bring himself to respond with is:

“No fucking way Junhui was right.”

Which, in hindsight, isn’t the best thing when your best friend just poured out the feelings he has for you, but Jeonghan is trying his best, okay?

Once he notices Joshua’s expression turning sour he’s quick to backpedal. “I mean, you like me? Like actually? No jokes? Deadass?” He asks, and Joshua sends him a look. “I know you did not just say ‘deadass’ as a genuine response to me confessing. Yes I like you, you bumbling idiot.” 

Jeonghan felt like he was on cloud nine. There’s no possible way this situation is actually happening, but when he pinches himself, it hurts like a bitch. “That’s insane because I’ve literally spent the last four years of our friendship wondering how in the hell I was gonna tell you the same thing.” Jeonghan finally says, and he feels himself smile as Joshua’s eyes light up.

“Deadass?” Joshua says, teasing, and the two of them burst out laughing. “Yes, deadass.” Jeonghan says after their laughter died down, and they go back to sitting in silence and staring at each other. Joshua takes this as an opportunity to lean in again, and instead of being shocked beyond saying ‘holy shit’, Jeonghan closes his eyes as their lips meet.

-

The two of them emerge from the room a couple minutes later, all smiles and heart eyes. Jun, as always, is the first to catch on, whistling lewdly at them. Jeonghan rolls his eyes, still smiling, and the rest of the boys run over to bombard Josh with presents.

Deciding this was as good as a time as any, Jeonghan told Joshua about the gift he got him, ‘a record player to actually play all those lame vinyls you have’, and handed over the card that he left on the counter.

(For the record, it was exactly where he left it, and he had a whole crisis for nothing.)

It read:

My dearest Joshua. 

I’m not sure how to say this easily, so I’ll just write what I’ve been hiding for the longest time. Ever since we met that fateful day at that dreaded high school, you’ve clouded my mind. You barely knew Korean, and god, my English was abhorrent, but we made it work. And thank god we did. I genuinely could not imagine life without you, and if I had to live it, I’m sure it would be nothing less than dark. You are one of the most influentially people in my life (yes, even when you bitch about how important studying is), and I most definitely would be a disaster of a person without you. Not only are you pretty on the inside, you are also ridiculously attractive. Like are you kidding me? You expect everyone not to fall in love with you when you’re toting around those GUNS? Which is why I’m fully blaming you for the fact that I, Yoon Jeonghan, am so utterly and helplessly in love with you, Hong Jisoo. When I imagine a future, it isn’t complete without me holding your hand and cuddling you till the dawn breaks. And even if that doesn’t happen, I’d be okay with it. As long as you are with me, I can thrive until time’s end. I love you so much. 

Happy Birthday,  
your best friend.

-

Later, when Joshua read the card, it brought him to tears and he kissed Jeonghan sweetly.


End file.
